During Sat's debrief after the Chingay recce, i picked up an important "how to direct efficient meetings" pointer.

Another AOIC described a problem she was having with a leader. The 2 YPC usher ICs gave some suggestions, and Victor also contributed some stuff. But AOIC rejected some of the suggestions, and the discussion continued in a circle. Then Victor said something which i shall keep in mind for future use when appropriate - "There is no point in this discussion anymore. We have said what we wanted to say and given our suggestions. So you go back and think about it, then inform us of your decision. Ok let's move on."

HAHAHA what a great maneuver. And it's really true, it's your decision, you make it and you take responsibility for it. Hmm i must learn to recognize when someone is "discussing" something with me only to diffuse the responsibility and get my affirmative (and thus involvement) in it; WHEN IT REALLY IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I am not shirking any responsibilities, because in the first place it is not mine to shirk. Ah 高招.

Anyway during this illuminating segment of the debrief, it also involved something else which i had a peripheral interest in.

So some of us from FLL YPC were pulled into Chingay, and we are all holding leadership positions in Chingay now. From FLL, my personal evaluation of a fellow team member was that, some people are really not suited to lead people and make them work well with you. But after working together for so long throughout the entire FLL period, i think i became too partial, probably because really, no one is completely lousy or superb, so while there were things screwed up, there were also things done relatively well.

So now for Chingay, when AOIC so succinctly listed down all the shortcomings of said person, HAHAHAHAHA i was so amazed and awed HAHAHAHAHA wow. I was trying so hard to control my involuntary affirmative nods.
"I can see that she is not close to her group, then when i ask her why, she agrees, then she gives a lot of excuses." TOTALLY, HEAR HEAR.
"So i suggested some ways for her to help bond the group together, like have some gathering or movie or something, then she says she also agree, but she's very busy and has no time." Yes i've seen it before.

Is this the self-affirmation of self-concepts at work here?
I think of myself as a verily all-rounded person. I am in uni, and i am also involved in community projects and volunteerism. Volunteerism is good and selfless right? Community projects like Chingay are relatively well known nation-wide, and when you have the label "I am a volunteer for Chingay" there is some glory and pride in it when others view you as some social-community-engaged youth who is so selfless and morally good and real and good-for-you-to-be-giving-back-to-society-rather-than-just-studying-and-studying.

Then, you'll also consider - hm i'm a student, then a volunteer. Of course my studies are more important because the rest of my life is quite dependent on my cert. BUT WAIT, no i am not one of you meathead muggers, because i'm actively volunteering in community projects. BUT, i am busy because i have assignments and deadlines to meet. And of course pragmatically i wont sacrifice my studies for volunteering are you crazy. So ok i am too busy to completely fulfill my responsibilities which i've signed up to volunteer for, but i have done half my job. And at the end of it, i was a volunteer for Chingay, i was a leader, i led a group of 20+ people to facilitate Chingay and we did it. Yay, another self-enhancing event to give positive illusions about myself.

What is this. What the hell?!

And i just received an email from NUS about a meditation session and "In this meditation, you will learn to put your deadlines and obligations in the proper perspective and use your mind to create time and space so you can do all the things that you need to do without feeling stressed and even find time to relax and do things you wish to enjoy. In fact, you will feel like you are able to slow down the world!" Oh yes i would really like to go for it. But it's scheduled on Tuesday 6.30pm and i cant make it coz there's a meeting at Bishan (ARGH WRETCHED PLACE) to discuss Chingay deployment.

Anyway it is quite apt in the recent social psychology lecture that we covered the topic of self. And i quote "Feeling good about ourselves keeps us motivated and engaged in productive and creative work." and "Believing that we are talented and that our efforts will be successful keeps us going." A BIG POINT IN CONTENTION: i am feeling good about myself here and believing that i am talented and all that. BUT OMG HORRORS OF HORRORS, I AM REALLY NOT. And obviously others see me truly for what i am. So how now?

Haii yes i think a big problem with this whole volunteering thing is about half-jobs. My father thinks that i am wasting my time, and i should do things proportionate to what i get in return. So no pay, just a tshirt, some meals - i should reciprocate efforts equivalent to the worth of a tshirt and some meals.

And yet i cant be faulted for doing a half-job. Because i am not expected to make my worth $6/hr, nor $1.2k per month, or what other values lowly commoner 20-year-olds-undergrads are worth nowadays. What i am offered as a reward is something like, spiritual fulfillment, confirmation of my social worth, and having stuck my finger into this hugeass nation-sized pie like Chingay or NDP.

Anyway on Saturday evening after the recce, i had a reunion dinner with my paternal extended family. 1 of my uncles (my dad's younger brother) was full of praise for all my volunteering stuff and he's also quite a sporty person so he was very interested in getting me to teach his 2 sons inline skating and all that. He just kept saying that "Wow it's very good that you're involved in so many things! Very good!! :):):)" and gave me a very warm smile. His P4 son is in GEP and was reading The Famous Five all throughout dinner and didnt talk to anyone of us. (which my mother personally found extremely rude and reflects bad upbringing) His mom/my uncle's wife was rather unaffected by her son's behaviour and just continued about normal dinner-table-pleasantries. His P2 son is good in wushu, loves coke and takes 四书五经 lessons with an enthusiastic Taiwanese neighbour, he is quite cute but very shy. I am totally not close to them at all (we meet about 2-3 times a year) but afterall we're still related. And i recently got to know that when i was really young (like when i was a baby) this uncle traveled down to our house in further west of Jurong West, to visit me, his elder brother's baby daughter. Wow. :)

Then, at the same reunion dinner, there was also another encounter with my other uncle, my dad's elder brother. He arrived earlier, so while we were waiting for younger uncle to arrive with his family + fetching my grandparents, he was recounting a pickpocketing incident which he witnessed on his way to the restaurant. It happened on the bus. So i was asking him "Then 你有没有抓他?!?!? :O" then he smugly replied "我问你，我为什么要帮他(the victim) 他是我的什么人？" and continued "我只有一个人，他们(the pickpockets) 有四五个，你说谁会赢？ 他们拿了就走，我有什么证据? 不要这么傻..." (actually he recounted 3, 2 standing in front and behind the victim, and 1 behind the one behind the victim, to escape with the wallet)

Oh my goodness.

Thankfully he has no kids. There was no point in that conversation so i did not continue talking to him.

It's quite scary to think why do some adults grow up to be like that. True that people are entitled to their own thinking and values, but i respectfully disagree with yours. Should i try to change your mind? Should i think that society is better off if you're removed from it? (Actually i do think so) No i think realistically the only way i can continue living without feeling a constant annoyance that there are people out there who are like that, is to just remove them from my world.

I haven used this word in a long time, but seriously, what an asshole.